BNV – a fanatical cult?

Thousands of people are lured into investing in Brave New Ventures, an aggressively expanding company billing itself as “multi-faceted” and “venturing into the world of new technologies”.

BNV, who are rapidly taking over the media, claim to be opening up new possibilities and bringing together communities of people. “Well, if you ask me, it’s a mass hysteria. The whole corporate world consists of cheaters and liars, why would these guys be any different”, said Mark, off-licence shop owner, who witnessed yesterday’s evening run of the BNV employees. He is one of the few solitary voices of doubt though, since most people seem to be in awe of the organisation: “UK has been waiting for something like BNV to be born!”, said one of the runners, elaborating on numerous benefits of joining the company.

Perhaps a healthy dose of scepticism should be retained until we see long-term effects of the company’s work.

Pandora’s Box of Bio Mysteries

Brave New Ventures caused a tremendous stir when they decided to carry out an examination of a dangerous biological substance. A medical research company that wishes to remain anonymous lost hundreds of its employees who fled laboratories upon the discovery of a serious biohazard. One of them said: “In my thirty-year experience of working with UN2814 substances I had never encountered anything that complex and difficult. I can only assume BNV know what they’re doing.”

On Monday 28^th May BNV scientists engaged in genetic analyses at the un-named research facility. All participants were suited up, decontaminated and briefed on how to safely handle the fluorescent, contaminated substances. “We would never miss an opportunity to conduct a research that can be crucial to the future of medical science. Someone has to step beyond the safety zone, no?”, says Brenda Parker, BNV algae specialist. What if someone within the group got infected? “It’s a risk”, admits Tuur Van Balen, DNA hacker, “But our operatives are expertly drilled in bio-hazard containment. We don’t tend to panic easily”. The earlier exodus of the building had left a few researchers stranded within the higher levels, unable to move through the contaminated area. One, a middle-aged pharmacogenomics professor from Nottingham, expressed gratitude as the situation was contained: “BNV will take over the scientific research in this country. I have no doubts about it”. 

Alone; Together

On Sunday 27^th May, at a secret location in South-East London, thirty six participants underwent the experimental training led by Regina Peldszus, space human factors designer and researcher; Alex Salam, Doctor in Infectious Diseases and General Medicine, and Tiana Harper, expert in people management and control for specific missions.

One of the participants elaborated: “We were learning how to get the focus and attention of others with simple exercises involving spatial awareness, tone and movement psychology”. Peldszus, who studied at the International Space University’s Space Studies Program at NASA Ames Research Center, California, says the consequences that distant missions have on the human psyche are not to be underestimated.

According to Salam, who has been involved with NASA’s Behavioural Health and Performance Studies on Human Adaptation to Long Duration Missions, even seemingly simple exercises threw up new questions about our social and psychological capabilities in an obscure environment.

The training went far beyond physical and emotional relaxation techniques and also involved acquainting people with complex and transcendental ideas, such as developing empathy for new-borns and how to assess psychopaths. “BNV is not your usual research company”, said Olly Ketshin, one of the participants, “The Earth is simply not enough”. 

Nocturnal Hunt and Hieroglyphs

Archaeologists were shaking their heads in bewilderment as Brave New Ventures announced an important discovery in central London. The infamous company decided to excavate the foundations of one of the oldest historical standing structures. “I remember when our research team presented a report which clearly demonstrated that there is something deep down there worth investigating. I had no doubts the mission would be successful”, says Kenneth Boltein, senior archaeologist at BNV.

On the night of 25th May BNV organised thorough investigation of the excavated materials. Wearing hard-hats and high visibility vests, the participants engaged in a laborious excavating process which led to the most extraordinary archaeological finds: “We began to grid out the area and sketch the dig sites marking out where the pieces of the artefacts were. Then we proceeded to carefully brush and uncover the pieces to discover that the shards completed an egg shaped pot. We got very excited and started mulling together to decipher the cryptic images!”.

Boltein says: “People tend to think that such discoveries can only happen in Syria or Israel, but we are naïve to believe that places like London have no secrets. Of course, it’s easier to dig on a middle-eastern desert than in one of the biggest capital cities in the world but BNV would purposefully choose to look where others don’t bother. Working with them is certainly an eye-opening and challenging experience!”.

BNV help solve skull secret

A group of scientists from Brave New Ventures carried out an independent study at their high-tech laboratory which helped solve the mystery of a “pickled” brain, Britain’s oldest known human brain, which lay in mud for some 2,500 years. One of the archaeologists from York University said: “BNV are incredibly persistent in their determination to solve archaeological mysteries. Their help in examining the brain was invaluable!”. BNV team found out that the brain was buried in wet clay, with no evidence of deliberate preservation. Mark Gunthrie, BNV archaeologist, said that this phenomenon may be a milestone in development of archaeological research. The study continues, as there are still uncertainties as to why the brain didn’t degrade.

Brave New Ventures Takes Over South Bank

RUNNING OFF THE GROUND Londoners were speechless as hundreds of Brave New Ventures employees run through the city on Thursday 24th May. Dressed in uniforms, they were performing extreme spatial exercises, and underwent microgravity resistance training, organised by Aires Guerra, military and bootcamp instructor.

Sian Hobbs, who was one of the medical supervisors on the run, emphasised the complexity of the routines they were performing, which involved exercises to reduce muscle wastage incurred on long, confined missions. “It was not at all like outdoors aerobics or typical flash mob. It was very much about challenging the relationship between the body and space, trying to escape the restrictions of the gravity”, she said.

BNV, who are gaining recognition as one of leaders in training and people management, take cyberspace investigation very seriously. From un-manned mining through to in-situ resource utilisation and propellant depots, they are prepared for any mission that would increase the chance of economic and technological progress. The anti-gravity exercises derive from propellant transfers, “which, in the absence of gravity, are extremely difficult, since liquids can float away from the inlet” claims Yevgeny Arseborsky, senior cyber analytic at BNV.

All people involved in the physical conditioning training were given instructions beforehand to ensure that the spatial routines were executed smoothly and effectively. Those who recently joined BNV seemed impressed not only by the programme but the philosophy behind the training. “It is all relative. BNV question what we take for granted, and make us go against the formulas. I would love to take part in their next spatial expedition”, said one of them.

It was noted that the choice of location, in London’s cultural quarter on the Southbank of the Thames also celebrated BNV’s recent support of Live Cinema company Secret Cinema. Uys van Welevelt, Senior Vice President EMEA Marketing said: “Like BNV, our new partners have a streamlined administration who are pushing the frontiers of creativity. We share a vision of the future where small teams of enterprising individuals come together to build a better world. The vision of the past is the clunky administrators who are wasteful and slow to make decisions. Our stock is continually rising. Invest in Brave New Ventures.”

Investors’ sentiments heat up as BNV shares rise to 50 dollars after their flotation

“It is most certainly a happy day”, said Joseph Kreegs, BNV financial executive. But he says the news is highly surprising. The company’s business activity is based in reality, and it concerns real people and communities. It differs from many social media stocks, some of which have experienced a volatile drop recently, as was the case of Facebook whose shares slumped more than 13% yesterday.

Ben Denton, Wall Street analyst, emphasizes the fact that BNV is not only bringing together large communities but provides effective links between remote locations.

We are expecting to see a large number of investment funds buy the BNV shares. Denton has no doubt they will continue rising.